Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize