1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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