we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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