It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
