I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
