We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I need a beard to bite.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
