You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize