her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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