dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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