I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
