So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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