i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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