When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize