So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
