she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
