My nipple is on Facebook.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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