dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
