yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
