she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
