our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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