some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
