you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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