Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
