Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
