I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
