I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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