You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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