I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
