does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
This toilet bowl is my home.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
