neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
