Ambien. No doubt about it.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I had to cum in my sink.
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