walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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