I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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