Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
