Sry I called you an 8
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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