these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Your penis caused this!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
