i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize