So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
