Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
