Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize