Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
