hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
