there's paper in my vomit.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Everyone says I win the strip club
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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