So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
