In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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