I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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