whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
