you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
