just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
