he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
