i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You're earring is so big in my mouth
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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