Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
