I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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