I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she smelled like a LAN party
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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