No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
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