hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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