Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize