I just pynch a tree in the face
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
