Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
