you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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