Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
