the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
