he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
