Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
