So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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