you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
