Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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