Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize